Who Doesn’t Want to Marry a Dog?

My little comedian has been inventing stories again, and lately the details have been quite elaborate.  Here are just some of the gems:

David: “Tell Mommy what you ate for lunch.”

Evan: “A bug. It went on my tongue like this, see… It was chocolate and good. Yum!”

Me: “Really, because that looks like a bug bite on your arm.”

Evan: “It bite me first, so I ate it.”

I wasn’t sure if this was true or not, but I figured at least it was extra protein since he needs the iron and it’s good that he’s sticking up for himself.

Evan: “Me marry Sascha.”

Me: “You married Sascha? What did Nola think about that?”

Evan: “Me marry Nola, too. I love Nola and Sascha (our dogs). Marry like you and Daddy.”

Me: “Yes, Daddy and I are married and we do love each other. But why did you marry Sascha and Nola?”

Evan: “Why not?”

This one I heard secondhand, but I guess Evan decided to put crayons in my mother-in-law’s subwoofer because there was a hungry dragon that needed color. While I don’t support the hiding or destruction of property, I do give him kudos for empathizing with the poor, lackluster dragon.

Evan: “Me STRONG!! EERRRR (showing his muscles). Daddy strong, too.”

Me: “What about Mommy? Is Mommy strong, too?”

Evan: “No, you pretty. You gorgeous, Mommy.”

Me: “Why thank you, honey. That’s very sweet. But I can be strong and pretty.”

Evan: “No, just me and Daddy. We strong and help Mommy. You not strong. Just pretty.”

Me: “Okay, but honey, why can’t I be strong like you and Daddy?”

Evan: “’Cuz you girl and you have Baby Mojo in belly. Daddy and me strong for you guys. Okay, Mommy? You just be pretty. Daddy says you gorgeous and I'm strong 'cuz I eat me vedables (vegetables). What you eat to be pretty?”

Lastly, I hear Nola whimpering so I look in and see Evan basically waterboarding her with his milk while holding onto her collar. I quickly rescue her and tell Evan that he can’t do that ever again, because it hurts Nola.

Evan: “No, Nola very thirsty. She told me.”

Me: “ Evan, Nola can’t drink milk and that really hurts her when you just pour it on her face. She can’t breathe.”

Evan: “She fine. She breathe through tail. Nola loves milk.”

Me: “Nola can’t breathe through her tail. She breathes through her nose and mouth, and she can’t breathe if you're pouring milk on her. That is very dangerous and you don’t want to hurt Nola, right?”

Evan: “No, no hurt Nola. Love her. So it goes in her tail, right, Mommy? Doesn’t breathe through tail, so drink like bendy straw. Okay!”

Nola, a pug, does indeed have the perfect curly tail/straw if evolution ever deemed it necessary for a separate drinking apparatus.